i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hippo gnu deer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
