she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A+ Viking dick
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
