Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
