i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
