My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
