Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
