What a fucking waste of an outfit
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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