that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
