New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
