Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
