he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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