Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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