she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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