She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
