I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
