Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
