Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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