I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
