You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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