I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
