I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
