man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
