just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
