haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
