Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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