Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
