After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
