I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
