She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
