You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
