He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My pussy is not your playground.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
