perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
