I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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