remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
