i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
