Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
