i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
