aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
