omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
