i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just tell him i said nine months
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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