I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
