oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
