i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
