obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
