Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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