It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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