her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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