I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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