Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
