I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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