Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
