I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
