theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
