Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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