ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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