I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
