i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
