he puts the penis in happiness.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
